Introducing Tupengo the Jakoto Master

Tupengo a.k.a Jakoto Master musical journey started from childhood whilst listening to artistes such as Fela Anikulapo Kuti, Bob Marley, King Sunny Ade and Lucky Dube.

He actualized his dream by joining Anago Prince’s cultural group called EGBE OMO AKINKANJU OMO AFRICA, further going on to release singles titled SPREAD THE LOVE,JAKOTO,DEM DEY WONDER, AMEN and FIGHT 2 SUCCEED. Tupenjo has worked with artistes like Kel,Lami,Lezxy Doo,Slam,Klever Jay,2Phat,Danny Young, Kash 11,OB Jazz and performed in shows alongside with reputable artistes in Nigeria like 9ice,2phat,Olu Maintain,Dee Bee(Collabo),Anago Prince and Koffi

Tupengo is currently blazing the airwaves with a club banger Oyashi, I personally think this song could go viral, i like the sexual connotations underneath the well-produced beat. It’s the kind of song that makes you want to climb tables in clubs and dance like you just discovered Bill Gates was your actual father. Another is a party-invading track Kel featured Tupengo in titled Mukulu.

Watch out for Tupengo. He is going places. Find him on @iamtupengo on Twitter.

Oyashi (Download)


Mukulu feat Tupengo (Download)

How to Pick up Girls for Beginners

Gone are the days when you could woo a girl by walking up to her and saying: “Your face looks familiar.” or use an opening line like “Excuse me, what’s the time?” Wooing or toasting has gotten much more complex than that, females have evolved and so should your approach and your lines. Females are much more open to directness now cushioned with a lot of cash. We live in the “20Flirt” century so as a guy, you have to adapt to the new skirt chasing habitat.

If you are having problems approaching girls, here is a word of advice; the name of the game is confidence, loads of it. Forget your height and looks, all you need to do is flash a little cash and have a honey-coated tongue. Read this blog and see your game change forever. Downside is that a lot of females would be reading this and would try to make it tougher for you. I am sorry about that.

For the sake of simplicity, I would draw out scenarios of the best and in some cases, oddest places to pick up girls and techniques you could use in charming the pants off them. Here is your apple of knowledge, take a munch.

The Airport

Believe it or not but the airport is one of the best places to pick up girls. Not only in romantic movies do lovers finally reunite, kiss and live happily ever but there is more to it. There is this feeling of peace when you are on a plane, there’s a real feeling of being closer to God in the sky that makes a lot of females giddy, you have to take advantage of that. Picking up girls at the airport or on a plane is very time-conscious; you have to be on the very top of your game. Every syllable spewed forth from your mouth must count and who knows you might even join the mile-high club during the flight-don’t let’s get ahead of ourselves though.

Technique

Like Wizkid crooned “No time for long thing...” You have got to adopt that mentality and move like a shark that just sensed a prey, a lion that just sighted a zebra’s ass. Airports have this busy atmosphere and you have got to blend in. To get chicks at the airport, you have to dress well less be mistaken for an attendant, you have to be on your A-Game with your conversation, every syllable must count. If possible, arrange for both of you to sit together or switch seats if you have to. You have more leverage/time during international flights but local flights demand you get to know the girl quickly and leave an impression. Finally, leave with genuine contact details. If she gives you her number, pin or whatever, make sure it does work. Believe me, you don’t want to be given fake details, it’s like pissing in the wind.

The Church

An open secret among the male folk is never pick up girls at the Church. Why? Because it is assumed most of the girls especially those in their mid-twenties or older are all washed up, have probably done a lot of lewd stuff in their hood and now looking for salvation and most importantly a maga husband in the House of God. Females in church have these religious mien in God’s house but if you can penetrate their halo, verily,verily, I say unto you, a vixen would be unleashed upon you. The clingiest kind of females can be found at the church and if you are just looking for a fling, perhaps this is not a good hunting ground. You wouldn’t want fire and brimstone be rained upon you. It’s third-leg stirring though knowing the head of the choir unit sings a different kind of tune on your bed most nights.

Technique

Be a newcomer. First identify the church where you know there are a lot of females and join that church. When it is time to welcome the new members, be amongst, look innocent, demure, responsible. Within that period, scout around and see the one that catches your eye. Believe me, the chicks are also scouting you like prime meat. Follow this up by being extremely helpful, volunteer to walk your targets home, drop them off along the way if you have a car. Joining a group in the church would also help, being an information officer is the real deal though because you’d be privy to their phone numbers, addresses e.t.c. Arm yourself with Bible verses, a corny guy like you should especially focus on the Songs of Solomon and quote away when the time arises to drive your wooing skills home. One important fact though is don’t be Mr Goody Two shoes all the way; always possess a dark, naughty, mysterious side to your nature and see the girls sing your names to the high heavens mostly in ecstasy.

BRT Bus Queue

Odd place, right? Don’t dull yourself, you can add to your conquests on this particular queue. Just like the airport, time is of the essence in getting a girl interested in you. The BRT queue is supposed to be a mind-your business place but if you play your cards just right, you could become her business. Before she met you, she might have been more focused on getting to her destination, if you play your game right, your bedroom might be the next port of call.

Technique

Number one rule is to disregard the fact that you are not on four wheels. You can lie yourself out of that if you choose to, infact I recommend that you should, spin a tale about your SUV going through a Pimp-My-Ride procedure. After you have spotted your target, pay her bus fare even if that’s the last cash you have got; your rewards would be reaped later-hopefully. Your command of the English Language should be on-point, go to lengths to assure her you are no Ikorodu road tout in disguise. Try your best to compliment her, comment on her eyes, hair, smile, every other thing except her boobs and buttocks. Be humorous, strike up a conversation about the Nigerian traffic situation and officials; appear mildly disgusted at your surroundings and the fact that you are stuck in it. Don’t appear intrusive, you could ask general and not specific questions so you don’t appear like a stalker. If the girl is sexy and giving you a boner, please endeavour to hide it-PLEASE! Should in any case, the girl decides to alight prematurely while you are still talking, take the risk, follow suit. Afterwards, make her know, she was the reason. Finally, leave with genuine contact details. If in want for a closing line, you could try this: “There is something wrong with my cell phone. It doesn't have your number in it.” Goodluck.

The Library

Shhhhh!!!! That’s what those lame-ass librarians would instruct you when you enter the hallowed sanctuary of the library. As if, that isn’t

enough, big, stupid signs saying the same, are noticeable at all corners. Look around you and you see individuals who are either reading or pretending to, littered around. Brethren, don’t be deceived, this is one of the best hunting ground known to man. If surrounded by so much old books doesn’t strike you as romantic, I don’t know what else will.

Technique

Be armed with any book above the 500 page mark, wear some designer spectacles, a nice sweater and carry yourself like an academic. Walk around; pretend like you thumbing for a book and zone in on your target. Gently interrupt, apologise profusely and take a nearby seat where you can maintain eye contact. Do this for a while or so before initiating conversation, an intellectual discussion I mean. Avoid verbal discussion; try something out of the ordinary by suggesting a scribbled discussion. If you feel the need to actually talk, whisper in her ears. Make your voice husky and make sure your breath smells better than a drenched rat. Make sure the discussion is intermittent; you have to give the notion that you are actually busy also. Besides the girl might actually be studying for a test or exam. In the library, you have the luxury of time, so you don’t need to rush to get her details. I would actually advise you take the risk and even avoid taking her contact details. In reverse, drop yours for her and see if she calls or find out if she would be reading again the next day.

Under-Age Birthday Parties

You probably never saw this one coming. You never wanted to take your younger one, niece, nephew to this party. Total waste of time, boring e.t.c. Who wants to see ten year olds rushing for cake and making a hell of noise? Just as you didn’t want to perform this task, so did a feminine version of you. She probably wanted to watch E! or Fashion TV and can’t be bothered. Take advantage of this dissatisfaction and score a chick you never deemed possible, a hot number you probably never dreamt of catching. Believe me, she has no options and would see you like a Knight in shining armour who has come to save her from boredom. This is the easiest place to pick a girl up.

Technique

Look extremely bored, exasperated even and start a conversation with her. Inter change your bored demeanour with some surreptitious, loving glances at your younger one (even if you feel like beating the shit out of him/her). The loving look is for your target’s benefit, to actually show you are capable of love-ladies find this sweet. Lament on how bringing your ward to the party is affecting something you had planned but quickly chip in that it was all worth it since you have now met her-the target. If you can’t pick a girl up at an under-age party, you have no hope.

The Classroom

I am not saying much about this. You should know what to do. For those that never had the benefit of going to school, the cavalry has come, read the techniques below. But, wait! What’s the point, you have never gone to school so what are you gonna use the knowledge for anyways?

Technique

To get girls in the classroom, you have to be either brainy or a social animal. If you are the brainy/charismatic type, try to be voted Class Rep. Class Rep equals Female Attention. As the Class rep, everything has to go through you. Even if the girls don’t like you, they still need you. Just as Jesus is to God, you are to the lecturers. If you are the brainy one, help the ladies with assignments; risk your neck during tests. Allow them exploit you but get payback by inviting them for bedroom tutorials.

I am tired of advising. I have let a secrets out there, helped your miserable pick-up game. I give permission to print this out and use should the situation arise. You are also free to post testimonies about how this guide helped your game. Later peeps.

Freestyle Friday Volume 8

Freestyle Friday debuts on Nizzle's Way!!!

Freestyle Friday is a fortnight competition held at Bit Bender Studio, 327 Borno Way,Alagomeji Yaba. 5 Emcees are given a minute each on the mic to determine who had the best wordplay,rhythm and style. The best wins the beat and given the chance to be interviewed live on radio.

It is your chance to play 'God' in the career of the these talented lyricist. Listen, download and vote. Voting is on the sidebar by the right.

I listened to these guys and was amazed by their talent, if we have so much of guys like these lurking underground, then the future of music in Nigeria is bright indeed.

Freestyle Friday Volume 8 (Download)

Pictures of the Day

Cars trapped after the heavy rainfall this morning.

A Nigerian youth seeing the funny side of his flooded surroundings.

How the Blackberry is Ruining our Lives

The blog topic says it all, this last blog post of the week is going to be a long tirade made worse because I am as guilty as you all are. Call it trying to purge myself or whatever but the truth remains that our daily lives is being ruined by this device. Thanks to Dee for recommending this blog post.

To set the tempo for this post, listen below to Blackberry Anthem by the Bit Benders

BB Anthem (Download)

There is a new drug in town called the Blackberry. The drug is legal and extremely addictive, as potent as heroin, cocaine and skunk all rolled into one. You know the users by looking at their thumbs, their dexterity at typing on a small surface keypad. There used to be a time when you had to attend secretarial school to learn how to type fast, not any more. Rather than carry syringes, these addicts carry their phone chargers around looking for electricity which is akin to a drug dealer. Notice these addicts when they see a charging point-their emotion close to climax.

Check them out when their battery has run out or at the end of the month when their BIS is about to expire and it is like their heart has been ripped out of their f**king chest. At the end of the month, you are just bound to see BIS whores lurking around, ready to be picked up, they’d do anything for a new monthly subscription-ANYTHING.

The Blackberry is killing everything around us. Gradually our lives are dictated by a freaking blinking red light or that obscene sound that heralds a new ping or message. We are all just like cultists carry pins as identity numbers around.

See the things the Blackberry has killed or gradually killing in our lives:

The Death of Romance

Remember the golden days when you could proclaim your love for your woman by writing a perfumed love-letter sent by NIPOST who would deliver it like months later. Those days are acceptably gone, we moved on to e-mails and well-crafted text messages which were equally romantic but the Blackberry has taken all that away from us now. Nowadays, all that has been replaced by the Blackberry Messenger, where lovers type to each other punctuated with lame-ass smileys and I tell you, it is killing romance and not helped by the shitty networks we have in Nigeria (they have ably assumed the mantle of slowness from NIPOST). When last did you call your gal, to proclaim your love and vice-versa? It has made us all romantically lazy ripping all romantic imaginations away from us all. It has gotten to the point that the only way you can find out what your partner is really thinking is via their updates. Communication between partners is dying, rather than cry on your lover's arms, you take your feelings out there on Blackberry forum.

One thing has increased though-cheating. The Blackberry has increased cheating by about 200%. Love is no longer safe. Your partner could be beside you in person but with that device, he is cheating away with a bimbo miles or inches away probably begging her for a nude picture. Watch him excuse himself to go to the toilet to snap his ‘man tool’ to equally send to the subject miles away with you none-the-wiser. Blackberry Pornography is the latest craze in town, you assume you have the most faithful chick in the world but do you know she is a Blackberry Super-Stripper at night. Masturbation has increased ten-folds because of all this; a lot of would-be Presidents have been wasted because of one picture sent from a Blackberry.

Now tell me if sometimes you are trying to get your groove on with your partner, you are doing the undressing and all but he/she is more focused on the blinking red light on the Blackberry or that stupid sound. I don’t need to tell you that the Blackberry has succeeded in turning on more people; you’d have more success turning on your partner by the words you type through your Blackberry than your useless fondling.

All you BB strippers, you know yourselves.

The Death of Normalcy

The Blackberry has also succeeded in killing everything that is supposed to be normal. Firstly, you wake up in the morning and rather than reach for your Bible, you reach for your Blackberry to see the pings you have missed while you were sleeping. Rather than read your Everyday with Jesus, you are ‘Everydaying’ with BB. You stand up from your bed and instead of greeting your folks; you are sitting in one corner giggling like a Yaba-Left kingpin. You are supposed to be concentrating in class but you are reading this blog on your BB, why won’t your grades suffer? You are supposed to be productive at work, but you are more interested in stealing display pictures from other people’s profiles, tell me while you won’t get sacked?

After a day’s work, you head over to a bar, club, party and rather than everyone socializing, you see them all huddled in corners engrossed in their Blackberries. You attempt to dance with a hot chick and even though she gives you her backside to grind on, right in her hands is her Blackberry that has taken three-quarters of her attention. When last did you store or remember anyone’s phone-number? Anyone that doesn’t have a pin is automatically labelled an outcast and uncool.

In the house of God, these same addicts including you and I still use this ‘antichristic’ device. Rather than praise and worship the Almighty, we are too busy pinging/announcing to all who care to know that we are in church. Some even arrange sexual rendezvous on their blackberries right there in front of God in church. If you were new to Christianity, you might even assume that Blackberries are Bibles in disguise or think God has a Blackberry that he uses to answer prayers.

After church, you head over to watch some football, the same BB phenomenon occurs. Everyone freaking thinks he is a commentator nowadays. Right after a goal or a controversy occurs, rather than react physically, you take your grievances to the Blackberry and comment away especially through Facebook and Twitter. You don’t need to watch these matches anymore to know exactly what is happening, all you need to do is head over to these BB-endorsed site and you have all the details of the match.

You head over to the cinemas to see a movie and half-the audience are pinging rather than watching. The more stupid one amongst them would spoil the movie for those that haven’t watched by revealing all the juicy details via their BB.

To cap off my rant and I must confess I still have a lot stored up but because I don’t want a Blackberry bounty placed on my head, I would stop after the next bit. The Blackberry has killed the real personality of people. In the physical sense, a particular individual might be a shy, nerdy, pimpled-filled face person but in the world of Blackberry aided by Twitter and Facebook, this same person is the King of the Roost, the supermodel, the funniest person ever. They make the loudest noises, are generally seen as opinion leaders, snap the best pictures in borrowed apartments and cars, google quotes to give them a philosophic mien, have the most friends, followers. Don’t be deceived, try to engage this person physically and you would be disappointed, he/she can only attain super-personalities via their Blackberries. In real life, they are crap.

The English language is also falling apart, thanks to Twitter and Blackberry Messenger, nobody wants to talk anymore. Abbreviated words are the norm nowadays. God knows where language would finally end at, check out some examples:

Okay=k

SMH=Shaking my Head

KMT-Kiss my Teeth (Hiss)

Yh=Yeah

And don’t let us forget the ROFLMAO and the other variations that have emerged from it. On a day when I can’t muster imagination for a blog post, I would compile a list of internet and Blackberry abbreviations and their meanings.

On this note, I sign out. Have a splendid weekend.

Picture of the Day

Bomb Blast at the Police Headquarters, Abuja today.

Now Your Suffering Continues

A couple of days ago, a friend tweeted about the National Youth Service Corps and I quote: “A fresh set of jobless young Nigerians will be unleashed tomorrow. That should raise the unemployment rate considerably.” He is no prophet, just a realist.

The NYSC was established by decree No.24 of 22nd May 1973 which stated: "with a view to the proper encouragement and development of common ties among the youths of Nigeria and the promotion of national unity".

I am quite sure it was a noble gesture at the time but fast-forward to today and the recent electoral violence that befell some corps members and it is no so funny and noble anymore.

A resounding question now is whether this structure shouldn’t be scrapped altogether. What’s the use? The three week training is not entirely useful, just a bunch of grown-ups in substandard, ugly greens baking in the sun for half-the-day, drinking beer with their monthly allowance and exhibiting their horny nature.

If you are a regular visitor on this blog, you realize I am not cut out for the serious stuff. Much as I am tempted to do a thorough research and lambast this scheme, I would just chill and take a light hearted approach. Head over for a more serious approach on omojuwa.com with a good piece on the scheme.

Below is what I think about NYSC...

A Purgatory

I believe NYSC is a phase, a cocoon, somewhat like purgatory where youths delude themselves about a better Nigeria. It is an alcohol infested year where you do little work; chase a lot of skirts or trousers as the case may be. Rather than get thrown in the deep-end after school, NYSC softens the blow and gives you a chance to prepare for the grim world ahead. The lucky ones get good organisations and eventually get retained while majority get chucked out wondering what might have been.

Relationship Litmus Paper

Before NYSC, everyone believes they have got the best relationship ever. You see a fellow in his school days bragging to his friends on how faithful, how awesome his relationship is but watch this guy when his girl is about to go for service, his nerves would be so frayed like a heroin addict without a fix. Every relationship feels the bite. There is this uncertainty aided by the long distance. I am sure an unofficial research would show the NYSC scheme has the ‘horniest’ individuals worldwide. It is during this scheme that marriage rings are hidden, promises broken, and a lot of condoms exhausted. There was this story I heard about a married woman who was caught with a random dude copulating under the Nigerian Flag-now that is patriotism. They were both chucked out and the husband had to come pick his ‘patriotic’ wife. If your relationship can withstand the NYSC, at least without incidents that come to your knowledge, then you are almost there.

Cultural/Social Makeover

I had this friend who o nly heard foreign music before he got posted to the Eastern part of the country. A year later, my guy now only listens to Flavour, Duncan Mighty, Wiz Boy, Nigga Raw et al. Now that is a mental makeover so deep. His approach to women even changed, he was bolder in the ‘eastern way’, more crass, I am sure you get my drift. He told me a story a bout a guy that finished with a First Class degree from the University of Lagos, got posted to a remote part in the Eastern part of the country, fell in love and has since then refused to go back home to Lagos. He is now a farmer. True Love or True Jazz? Well, the mysterious nature of NYSC, you just don’t see shit coming.

Fantasy Fufillment

Ever felt like getting embroiled in a sexathon with a Calabar indigene? Like have animalistic sex under the moon, near the stream with owls watching? Ever felt like knowing what is beneath all those layers of Ninja clothing those Northern women wear, wanna unleash and feel the passion? Movies or Lagos can’t do that for you but NYSC will. Have you ever fantasized about being kidnapped, rough-handled, don’t worry, NYSC would help you out. The scheme allows you to escape from reality, from that domineering father, girlfriend and boyfriend of yours. It is a year of release, a year of discovery.

I heartily congratulate the Batch ‘B’ corps members and wish them the very best life has to offer. In this same vein, I would love to be socially responsible by recommending job sites for application like Nigerian Hot Jobs.

Start applying peeps. Don’t Dull.