Things To Do Before You Die

It is Monday and I hate Mondays but then you already know that. On this particular Monday, I am experiencing a severe case of Blank Brain Syndrome and I have promised myself I am not going to drink-yet. As such, I just thought of the first topic off the top of my head which happens to be the things I want to do before I pass into the great beyond.

If you are as ‘normal’ as I am, then read on. If not there is this button on the top-right angle of your screen to close the screen.

Pinch Nicki Minaj's Bum

Really I just have to. A lot of booties have come and gone in my life. I saw Jennifer Lopez backside, I saw Shakira’s, Beyonce, Fergie, Trina backsides all on MTV though and I did nothing about them. I watched them go without putting much of a fight. Their booties filled my dreams; they tormented me, they way they jiggled, wiggled all on the big screen. I know there are better ones in Ghana but I like star-quality booty. Then like a ‘Bootie in shiny armour’ came Nicki to eclipse all other booties. Her bootie is the Tsunami of all booties and I made a vow that I was going to be successful so that I can one day be on the same platform with her to pinch that butt-at least before it sags. God Willing.

Drink Guinness from the Prime Source

There have been mythical discoveries in the world. Centuries ago, knights sought the Holy Grail, Ali Baba used Open-Sesame to get his treasure chest, there is Eldorado e.t.c. They all fought valiantly for what they believed in to achieve and get to the source of their wants. Fortunately, I don’t need to slay dragons, save princesses to achieve mine all I need to do is to travel to Ireland, specifically to St James’s Gate Brewery in Dublin-the home of Guinness. I want to smell the barleys, touch and caress them before I treat my throat to an orgasm by drinking direct from the main tap (if there is anything like that).

Pee from the Statue of Liberty

Situated in Liberty Island in New York, the statue of Liberty is the perfect icon for freedom in the world. Originally a gift from France to the United States, it is one of the major landmarks, a sense of pride and motivation to America. Since the September 11 attacks though, it has been guarded jealously by the government. You have to be a big boy to ascend the crown of the statue. As such, before I leave Earth, I would actually love to display freedom by ascending the crown and taking a big, big, pee.

Join the Mile High Club

90% of virile men want to actually achieve this feat. Only about 1% have actually done it. 99% of the remaining of us only dream and fantasize about it, hoping one day it would come to fruition. In case you are lost, the mile-high club is an exclusive one of individuals who have done the ‘nookie’ on a device in the sky-be it a plane, chopper, anything that is above an altitude 5,280 feet.

I crave to be a member of this club. Ok, even if I can’t buy a jet and do it in the comfort and privacy of it, I could manage on a commercial flight in the toilet oblivious to anything including the stupid terrorist who is hoping for seven virgins in the after-life rather than follow in my footsteps of getting it here on earth-in an airplane toilet.

Be Time Man of the Year

Don’t know how and why Time magazine should ever make me the Person of the Year. Maybe out of compassion. Would look nice on my CV.

My thoughts on a Monday. Hopefully the above would be achieved. Feel free to adopt my T0-Do List. Cheers.