5 Nagging Questions

How does President Goodluck feel when his Missus goes Live on air?

I am no Einstein but if the Commander- in- Chief of the armed forces is calm while his missus makes a speech on television/events then he must be a very cruel man with no regard for his legacy.
Armed with enough gbagauns (grammatical nuclear weapons) that could destroy a small nation, Mrs Patient Goodluck has assaulted our ears for months. Worse, we are going to endure at least 1460 days of her 'oratory skills'.
Our electricity problems have necessitated citizens to invest in generators, making those who deal in them multi-millionaires. If you want to make money quickly, I suggest you import a lot of Ear-Plugs to sell for emergency situations-like when the First lady makes a speech. Mark my words, Forbes list would welcome you. Hurry along; you have 1460 days to make a fortune.

Who is Cabo Snoop's Fashion Designer?

Windeck, Windeck...and the song goes on and on. We barely know what the artiste is yapping about but we love the song. Checking out the video is another matter. If the dance routine doesn’t get you, one thing is sure to get u-Cabo Snoop's costume which is gross at the very least. Wearing yellow skinnies just doesn't work. If he has got a fashion designer, there is only one punishment I can think of-make him/her dance Windeck naked in the cold arctic region.

Why did Man-U even turn up for the Champions League Final?

I won't say much here, there is just nothing much to expand upon apart from the sheer 'awesomeness' of Messi and the Barcelona team that tore Man United a new hole in one of the most one-sided finals ever, even the great Sir Alex Ferguson at a point was trembling so much I thought his heart might give way. A few observations after the match though is that the current Barca team should be disbanded, they have nothing to prove anymore. We should only call them out of retirement to represent Earth when it is time to face Aliens.

Does D'Banj have a Boy's Quarter in Aso Rock?

After his exploits in the last elections for the current president, it is only fair if Mr Scapegoat is given a sort of accommodation inside Aso Rock. D'banj epitomised the modern day town-crier for President Goodluck with his election single dedicated to the president and of course 'that interview’. A few million quids must have changed hands, after all shortly after, Snoop Dogg enthusiastically jumped on Mr Endowed remix even dusting Don Jazzy's clothing. For a whole Dogfather to be reduced to something close to an excited puppy, substantial zeroes must have been added to his bank account. #nuffsaid.

Why do Hawkers sell beer in traffic?

I love Guinness; I think it is the best invention after God created Earth. However, I have been warned by authorities that it is wrong to 'Drink and Drive'. Believe me I try to obey this rule but it is not of help when I see hawkers selling cold cans of Guinness in traffic. For crissakes if you don't want us to drink and drive, stop this mental torture. If you (the authorities) can't stop these hawkers then please encourage them to sell some add-ons like Suya,Asun and barbecue. After all, it is not as if the traffic would ease up.