Now Your Suffering Continues

A couple of days ago, a friend tweeted about the National Youth Service Corps and I quote: “A fresh set of jobless young Nigerians will be unleashed tomorrow. That should raise the unemployment rate considerably.” He is no prophet, just a realist.

The NYSC was established by decree No.24 of 22nd May 1973 which stated: "with a view to the proper encouragement and development of common ties among the youths of Nigeria and the promotion of national unity".

I am quite sure it was a noble gesture at the time but fast-forward to today and the recent electoral violence that befell some corps members and it is no so funny and noble anymore.

A resounding question now is whether this structure shouldn’t be scrapped altogether. What’s the use? The three week training is not entirely useful, just a bunch of grown-ups in substandard, ugly greens baking in the sun for half-the-day, drinking beer with their monthly allowance and exhibiting their horny nature.

If you are a regular visitor on this blog, you realize I am not cut out for the serious stuff. Much as I am tempted to do a thorough research and lambast this scheme, I would just chill and take a light hearted approach. Head over for a more serious approach on omojuwa.com with a good piece on the scheme.

Below is what I think about NYSC...

A Purgatory

I believe NYSC is a phase, a cocoon, somewhat like purgatory where youths delude themselves about a better Nigeria. It is an alcohol infested year where you do little work; chase a lot of skirts or trousers as the case may be. Rather than get thrown in the deep-end after school, NYSC softens the blow and gives you a chance to prepare for the grim world ahead. The lucky ones get good organisations and eventually get retained while majority get chucked out wondering what might have been.

Relationship Litmus Paper

Before NYSC, everyone believes they have got the best relationship ever. You see a fellow in his school days bragging to his friends on how faithful, how awesome his relationship is but watch this guy when his girl is about to go for service, his nerves would be so frayed like a heroin addict without a fix. Every relationship feels the bite. There is this uncertainty aided by the long distance. I am sure an unofficial research would show the NYSC scheme has the ‘horniest’ individuals worldwide. It is during this scheme that marriage rings are hidden, promises broken, and a lot of condoms exhausted. There was this story I heard about a married woman who was caught with a random dude copulating under the Nigerian Flag-now that is patriotism. They were both chucked out and the husband had to come pick his ‘patriotic’ wife. If your relationship can withstand the NYSC, at least without incidents that come to your knowledge, then you are almost there.

Cultural/Social Makeover

I had this friend who o nly heard foreign music before he got posted to the Eastern part of the country. A year later, my guy now only listens to Flavour, Duncan Mighty, Wiz Boy, Nigga Raw et al. Now that is a mental makeover so deep. His approach to women even changed, he was bolder in the ‘eastern way’, more crass, I am sure you get my drift. He told me a story a bout a guy that finished with a First Class degree from the University of Lagos, got posted to a remote part in the Eastern part of the country, fell in love and has since then refused to go back home to Lagos. He is now a farmer. True Love or True Jazz? Well, the mysterious nature of NYSC, you just don’t see shit coming.

Fantasy Fufillment

Ever felt like getting embroiled in a sexathon with a Calabar indigene? Like have animalistic sex under the moon, near the stream with owls watching? Ever felt like knowing what is beneath all those layers of Ninja clothing those Northern women wear, wanna unleash and feel the passion? Movies or Lagos can’t do that for you but NYSC will. Have you ever fantasized about being kidnapped, rough-handled, don’t worry, NYSC would help you out. The scheme allows you to escape from reality, from that domineering father, girlfriend and boyfriend of yours. It is a year of release, a year of discovery.

I heartily congratulate the Batch ‘B’ corps members and wish them the very best life has to offer. In this same vein, I would love to be socially responsible by recommending job sites for application like Nigerian Hot Jobs.

Start applying peeps. Don’t Dull.